Starting the conversation matters, because behind every quiet cup of tea is a story, and behind every stiff upper lip is a human being who deserves to feel heard, understood,
Talking about mental health isn’t always easy and for many men, it’s something they’ve spent a lifetime avoiding. Whether it’s our fathers, grandfathers, partners, sons, or friends, men often feel pressure to “stay strong,” “keep quiet,” or “just get on with it.”
But times are changing. And as a society, we’re learning that it’s not weakness to talk — it’s strength.
At Home Instead, we support many older men from the Silent Generation; gentlemen now in their 80s, 90s and beyond. These are men who grew up in a world where emotions were rarely spoken about, where vulnerability was hidden, and where mental health simply wasn’t discussed. And yet today, many face bereavement, loneliness, limited mobility, declining health, or living alone for the first time.
Starting the conversation matters because behind every quiet cup of tea is a story, and behind every stiff upper lip is a human being who deserves to feel heard, understood, and supported.
Men from older generations often learnt to:
“Keep feelings to themselves”
Avoid burdening their families
Prioritise work and duty over emotional wellbeing
Believe that talking about sadness or loneliness is complaining
This means their mental health concerns, whether loneliness, depression, grief, or anxiety, can be easily missed. Many will say “I’m fine” even when they’re not.
But emotional wellbeing is just as important in later life as physical health. A simple conversation can be the first step in:
Reducing loneliness
Encouraging connection
Releasing worries that have been held for too long
Building trust between generations
Preventing mental health from declining silently
Sometimes, the smallest moments can spark the biggest breakthroughs.
There’s no script for talking about mental health, especially with older men who may find it uncomfortable. But gentle, familiar openings can make it feel safe and natural.
Here are some supportive ways to begin:
Rather than asking, “How are you really feeling?”, try:
“How have you been finding things lately?”
“Has anything been on your mind this week?”
“It’s been a bit quiet lately, how are you doing?”
This feels less intrusive and more like a normal chat.
A cuppa, a stroll, watching the rugby, sorting old photos, all create a shared space where emotions can appear more naturally. This is where so many meaningful conversations with our Care Professionals begin.
Older men often respond well to hearing that they’re not the only one, such as:
“A lot of people feel a bit lonely since winter set in.”
“Many men your age say it helps to talk about things.”
It normalises emotions that may have felt off-limits for decades.
Comments like:
“You’ve been through a lot.”
“It’s understandable to feel like that.”
“Anyone in your situation would feel the same, your feelings here are valid.” will help reduce shame and invite openness.
Sometimes the quietness between two people speaks louder than any words. Being present — simply sitting together — builds trust over time.
For this generation, emotions were often expressed through actions, not words. Losing a spouse, retiring, or becoming less independent can deeply affect them, but they rarely ask for emotional support.
They may show mental strain through:
Withdrawing
Eating less
Losing interest in hobbies
Becoming quieter or more forgetful
Many are more open but still feel pressure to “stay strong.” They may talk about stress or worry but still hide deeper emotions like loneliness or grief.
Often sandwiched between caring for parents and supporting their own families, younger men can feel overwhelmed or guilty for not being able to “do it all.”
Understanding these generational differences helps families approach conversations with patience, empathy and the right tone.
Loneliness isn’t always obvious.
An older man may not say, “I’m lonely,” but the signs can include:
Less interest in going out
Not answering the phone
A decline in personal care
Becoming tearful or irritable
Saying they “don’t want to be a bother”
This is where regular companionship becomes more than just a visit, it becomes a lifeline.
A Care Professional popping in for a chat may not seem like a big moment, but for many older men, it truly is.
A cuppa and a chat offers:
Routine — something to look forward to
Connection — someone to share stories with
Confidence — knowing someone cares
Purpose — whether it’s making tea, playing cards, or going for a walk
We see it every day: the gentleman who hasn’t spoken much all week suddenly smiling, reminiscing, or laughing again because someone took the time to listen.
Our Care Professionals know the signs when something seems “a bit off”, perhaps he’s quieter, not eating well, or struggling with sleep, and they gently raise concerns so families can step in early.
Sometimes companionship is the bridge between silence and support.
Whether it’s our clients, our loved ones, or our friends, we all have a role in creating a world where men know:
It’s OK to talk.
It’s OK to show emotion.
It’s OK to need support.
And often, it begins with the simplest gesture:
“I’ve put the kettle on — fancy a chat?”
Small moments can change lives, especially for the men who have spent a lifetime being told to stay silent.